Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
