The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's always time for handjobs
Vodka?
Forever.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
