I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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