How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize