So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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