Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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