Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
