The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I need a burrito and a hug.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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