we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
