You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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