I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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