i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
