Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You're a waste of cheezeits
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
