I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
