I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
