at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
