Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
