Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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