i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
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