oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
