WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
