So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
