is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
