Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was like getting head from an anaconda
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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