Got a toothbrush?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
