God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
