all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
