it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
