How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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