If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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