It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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