He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
