it wasn't lemon gatorade
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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