after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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