Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
