$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
