Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
