the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
