on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
