Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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