You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
