I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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