Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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