Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
