I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we're chasing vodka with high fives
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
