Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
