I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
