she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
