Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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