The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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