Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
