She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize