That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
