This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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