perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
