I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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