we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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