You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
only if we run a train.
done.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
