my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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