I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
