How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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