Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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